My Worn Out Love Story
Wednesday, February 13, 2008 at 9:45PM 
An old love story has been on my heart and mind for weeks now, invading my dreams, leaving me shaken and sad when I wake. In these dreams, my old lover comes to me and confuses me just like he did all those years ago. Sometimes he's cold and aloof, refusing to answer my burning questions about what happened between us; what happened to him. Sometimes he tells me he still loves me; that we should be together again.
For years after he broke my heart, I fantasized that he'd come back to me, across the distance, against the odds, despite his wife and their rumored child. I imagined that he'd unveil his reasons for leaving so unexpectedly and so thoroughly. This daydream was laced with conspiracy theories and angst-ridden confessions. I'd desperately try to recreate his soft, seductive voice in my mind, hearing him say, "I'm so sorry. I never stopped loving you."
In weak waking moments, I still wonder what will happen when I finally see him again. It's been more than a decade, but I'm convinced that he'll cross my path once more. It's not obsession; it's just something I've always known.
And I still fantasize about him sometimes, especially when he visits my dreams. But the fantasies are different now. I no longer ache for his affections. If he came bearing them, I'd be heartbroken once more for the inconvenience of it all. I'm married to a man whom I love dearly and would not leave for the old lover. Now, I just want answers, and maybe that apology. The truth would be sweeter by far than hearing that he still loves me. In the end, what I want to know is that at one time, he really, truly did.
Reader Comments (4)
I've been MIA on reading blogs for a while--but today was the perfect day to come back.
That was so incredibly beautiful. :)
Pardon me; I'm not usually so blunt, but well...hell....darn it... I want this so badly for you.....
Alexandra
Is it the time of year? I don't know but old lovers have been arriving in my dreams of late as well.
Oh how I know this feeling, not that you would go back or take him back but that you want to know what was ever really real.
Wow! Would you believe I dreamt of my former lover this week, too??? For the better part of two days I was shaken and pensive.
Unbelieveable.
It's sooo strong sometimes. I wonder what it all means.
Proof that we are ALL connected? And just because a relationship ends, doesn't mean the connection goes away, I suppose.