After Inspiration: Choose your own word

image by SleepingBear

Last November I spent three days in a Jersey shore beach house with three other writers, desperately trying to write. This was, after all, a "writing retreat." I was there to write, but mostly I walked to the beach, stared at my laptop in agony, and wandered down to the kitchen for snacks. In the evenings we ate dinner together and chatted. While I could generally keep up with the conversation, I realized that I was often running to keep up, always lagging a step or two behind, hoping that nobody noticed when I furtively scribbled notes about authors, books, and writing terms that I realized I "should" know. The other writers all had more formal education or book publishing experience than I had. I felt a little jealous. Must be nice to have an MFA in writing or a published book, I thought wistfully.

Must be nice.

Hmm...wouldn't it be nice?

Why yes, it would be nice.

I wrote nearly nothing on that writing retreat, but the seed of an idea that had been hiding in a quiet ventricle of my heart finally took hold and started to sprout. I went upstairs that night and stared at my laptop. Instead of trying to write, I started researching grad schools. I didn't know that within six months I'd be enrolled in one. At the time, I thought I was just torturing myself with grandiose ideas of what could have been. I had effectively turned envy into inspiration, even though I didn't know it then.

After I came home, I kept researching like crazy. Then I completed application packets like crazy. Now, when I bemoan my self-perceived lack of work ethic, my husband reminds me how I went from dreaming-about-grad-school to attending-my-first-residency in less than a year. He reminds me that I get things done when I really want to.

So, what comes after inspiration?

As an astute commenter wrote on "Turn Envy into Inspiration," "...the one thing you left out is what you need after you're feeling inspiration--motivation." She's exactly right. Motivation can keep us going after inspiration strikes -- unless you're like me and seize up at the word "motivation."

Unfortunately, "motivation" is a loaded word for me. It's like "discipline" or "potential." In my mind, they all have some negative connotation, probably based on how I've used or heard them used in the past. This doesn't mean that any of those words are wrong or bad. Maybe those words really get you going. That's fine. Everyone has his or her own word-related idiosyncrasies. (For example, I've heard that a lot of people can't stand the word "moist," but I'm totally fine with it. I mean, how can you hate a fat slice of moist chocolate cake? But, to each her own. Anyway, "moist" probably isn't the kind of word we need to worry about here.)

In The Artist's Way (I know, there's that book again!), Julia Cameron suggests the word "enthusiasm" as a good alternative to the word "discipline." I like that. For me, discipline brings to mind a drill sergeant who calls me a pansy-ass and shouts at me to drop and give him 50. (sidebar: Pansy-ass isn't really such a bad thing to be called. Pansies are lovely. If only my backside were so pretty.) In other words, I don't think of myself as a disciplined person. So to tell myself that I need to be more disciplined just makes me despair. How can I be more of something I'm not?

On the other hand, enthusiasm is a much brighter, more accessible term for me. Even on days when I'm not feeling enthusiastic, I can pretend. I can't pretend to be disciplined.

Back to motivation. There are days when I don't feel the teeniest bit motivated, no matter how inspired I am. So instead of motivation, I'd like to propose the idea of action.

Action is a great concept because it doesn't depend on anything else. You don't have to be motivated, disciplined, or enthusiastic to take action. You don't even have to feel inspired. You can take action on a project or idea even when it feels like you're slogging through a muddy field in a long skirt while carrying a large basket of bricks with you. Those aren't the most fun days, to be sure. I'd much rather take action when I'm feeling enthusiastic and inspired, skipping along lightly and twirling through a field of daisies. I love to write when it's fun and easy. That's why I'm trying to learn to write badly, so I can keep writing on days when there are no daisies or twirling.

So what comes after inspiration? For me it's enthusiasm and action. Come to think of it, sometimes those have to come before the inspiration.

What comes after inspiration for you?

Do you have a list of words that are supposed to be helpful and positive, but which make you feel defeated and overwhelmed? Stop torturing yourself trying to figure out how to embrace words you hate! Instead, I encourage you to find an alternate word for each of them. Choose something that energizes and empowers you. (And if the words "energize" and "empower" are on you list of soul-sucking words, feel free to replace them too.)

I'd love to read your list of words and hear how you keep going before and after inspiration.

Comments

[Carrie Hasson]

somehow i feel like you piece all of my thoughts together!
right now i keep ineffectively saying to myself, "i have to" do this, or that. "having to" is making me not want to. how could i genuinely change that tape that has turned positive things that i love into a negative obligation? i'm not sure yet
...but i am so glad i stumbled upon you. :)
i do really like the idea of being enthused, it just sounds so much more free-spirited!

[Kevin S.]

"dread". "obligation". "mandatory". Those are words that I have a hard time with which to deal. I'm not sure of the alternatives!

"argentine". "refulgent". "molten". These are three of my favorite words.

I tend to like intensely descriptive, detail words. My background is in architecture, so being detail-oriented should not come as a surprise.

A friend of mine referred me here. I shall be back. Slainte!

[kristen]

this is a really timely post for me. i was just talking to my parents about my lack of motivation in taking care of myself: exercise, eating right...etc.

the whole having to take care of myself, makes me sit on my butt and do nothing. it's the having to that makes me want to rebel.

after reading your words here, i realize that i can choose a different way to motivate and talk to myself. that i can find a way through this and that probably this lull, was necessary.

and now i'm curious what shore town you were visiting in NJ...i'm in NJ and spend a good deal of time on the shore.

[Amie aka MammaLoves]

Driving to work and driving home I find myself so motivated to accomplish all sorts of things the minute I enter the door. But when I get home I find I'm too "lazy."

Is there another word for lazy that will take me out of this cycle? Maybe I haven't found my inspiration?

Then again just thinking about the idea might be just what I needed.

[jessica]

The word "should" is always a killer for me. The minute I say "should" I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as the voice in my head says, "but you know you're not going to!"

The only alternative to the word "should" is, in my opinion, not using it at all. When is the word "should" ever used in a really positive way? "I should clean the bathroom." "I should really finish writing those thank-you notes." Even when the thought is pleasing— "I should try that new restaurant down the street."— it still feels like I'm adding one more thing to the laundry list of things I never seem to accomplish.

So now when I notice that I'm about to say "should" I simply stop and rephrase it. "I'm going to clean the bathroom" which is an ACTION. If I'm not going to do it, then I let it leave my mind.

How do you feel about the word "should"?

[Katie]

Madeleine L'Engle said that inspiration tends to come during work rather than before it. She also has a wonderful metaphor: "keeping the clock wound." I remind myself of those words when I'm feeling unmotivated and blah.

Thanks for your honesty - and what a thought-provoking post!

[liz elayne]

so i want to come over for a cup of tea and discuss my thoughts about this. sigh. instead i will say that i am mulling over the idea of these words and am settling into the word action and trying it out...

oh and that image of inspiration arriving when you are working from L'Engle via Katie in the comments. this had me saying "oh shit!" in that huge aha kind of way. yep.

thanks for asking the question so that people share the answers and we learn from one another...

[Jenna/The Word Cellar]

Jessica - I hate "should" too! It sucks the life right out of me. I like your idea of rephrasing the statement as an action. I usually try to replace "should" with "get to." So instead of saying "I have to write two articles this week," I say, "I *get to* write two articles this week!" But that only works with some things. Cleaning the kitchen may be better approached with your suggestion. Then again, if I *get to* clean my kitchen, it means I'm able-body and well enough to do it. So I guess that's a good thing, but I admit it may feel like a bit of a stretch!

[Steph]

The words Action, Practice and Trust come to mind. You're right, you don't need to be inspired to take action, you just need to do what you decided you'd do. Simple (if only it were!). Practice allows me to take action without worrying about perfection. Trust doesn't come easily for me - I like to control things, but it's something I'm practising (see? I'm using my words already). I guess it's faith that my actions will eventually lead me somewhere good.

I try to replace "should" with "want" to remind me that I have a choice in the matter. "I want to do the dishes" tells me that at that moment, having a clean counter is more important than surfing aimlessly for the next 20 minutes.

Wow. This is a long comment. Thanks for spurring the discussion! :)

[Jen Herron]

As I think all of us would agree - words are powerful. The impact that certain words have on our spirits/psyches usually is part of a tangled web of emotions that we've been carrying around for a long time.
Awhile ago I started trying to take back certain words for myself. Motivation, should, divine - words that are packed full of stories from my childhood; words that were defined within the experiences and social context of my life. How did certain words become so powerfully negative? Journaling certainly helped as I not only sought the wellspring of my reactions but also redefined how I wanted to use a certain word.
So, without getting too carried away - I not only try and find other words to replace certain "hooked" words - but I also try and reacquainte myself with a new definition for that word. Steph nailed 'should' for me. When I run up against that word in my life - I pause and ask myself about the choice that is mine to make. The energy shifts, my stomach uncurls and I can breath once again.
Jennifer - I just discovered your space and really enjoy your writing and spirit!

[Jenny]

pause. reflection. donna farhi writes of enthusiasm in yoga as burning enthusiasm. for me it makes a world of difference, otherwise i somehow automatically have cartwheels and cheering pop up in the brain,and that doesn´t move me in particular. but the pause is so essential, the stillpoint potential preceding movement.

[Kaylie]

"Trapped" is a word that gets me depressed when I'm home with the kids, unable to go anywhere or do what I want to. "Futility" is the other depressing word I think of when I get frustrated and don't seem to be going anywhere. This can happen with writing, when every word is a cringe-worthy slog, or with housework, when a child dumps out the toys I just cleaned up. Either way, I can talk myself into not even wanting to try if I keep at it long enough.