Insulting the Calling

dusk, iphoneography

On Tuesday I saw a shooting star. Just me in my car at the stop sign one block from my house, the clear night sky a deep-dark speckled with stars, and then one solitary satellite streaking its way into the mouth of the Big Dipper. And of course, it felt (as these things always do to people like me) like a sign.

A sign of what? Well, that's a topic for another essay (one I'm trying to write; the first essay I've tried to write in months, which makes the writing of it feel both liberating and arduous). In the moment after the star fell I had an inkling of what it might signify, but I was wrong. That inkling did not come to pass. (And all is well.)

I didn't come to this space to tell you about the shooting star. I came to write about how I haven't been writing, but then there was that star and the essay it sparked, and well, I guess I've been writing a little bit, which is good, since I've declared November my month of creative care.

I've been neglecting the deep writing that I want to be doing, that I need to be doing. The essays and short stories (and maybe even poems) that I feel called write. And I do feel called to write. So why have I been avoiding it? The other day I told a friend that I've been "insulting the calling." I can attribute this to being too busy, too lazy, too unfocused, too scared, too scattered. I can call myself all sorts of unpleasant names to pinpoint the reasons I don't write. But that doesn't make me feel any better, and that doesn't make me feel like writing. I've been feeling off-kilter for weeks, and I think it has a lot to do with months of creative neglect.

So I'm done with the personal name calling, the guilt, and the shame.

I'm done with the neglect, done insulting my calling.

I'm declaring November my month of creative care, the only antidote I know to creative neglect. I'm going to actively and purposefully stop neglecting my writing. And since I know that other creative ventures help to feed my writing, I'm going to be mindful about those, too, which means taking more photos, cooking more meals, and maybe even busting out my paints and brushes.

It's only day 3, but I've started that essay, taken a few photos, and made a meal that managed to be both wholesome and yummy. It's a good start. It's all kindling. I'll keep tending my fire over here in my little corner, thinking of you tending yours.

What are you making this month? How are you honoring your calling (whatever that may be)?