Top 7 Posts of '07

Lentil Soup

My First Trip to NYC

Paranoia Cha Cha Cha

The Littlest Birds Sing the Prettiest Songs

We're Gonna Have Roast Rabbit!

Downward Dog

How to be Ready for Christmas

The Fringe

I navigated a diverse social landscape during college. There was my core group of friends, kind of like my home base, most of whom I met freshman year because we lived with or near each other. Proximity bred familiarity, which bred friendship. During my sophomore year, I bonded with a gal from a different neighborhood (so to speak) when our similar taste in guys (okay, one guy) bred competition, then frustration, and finally kinship.

I scaled a whole new mountain during my junior year when I joined a sorority. I probably wouldn't have hung out with most of my new "sisters" otherwise. In some cases, our social circles just wouldn't have crossed. In others, I don't think we would have given each other much of a chance. But the sorority acted as a link between us, allowing us to find other common ground.

And then there was the alternative crowd, also known around campus as the AlternaHerd. In the social landscape of college, they were my dream destination. These were the artsy, rebellious types, and they were easy to spot on a campus largely comprised of conservative Christians. I was an English major and was involved with theatre, so I knew some of them. And oh how I wanted to be part of that crowd. They oozed coolness. No, not oozed. It's more like coolness wafted into a room with them, like perfume. The girls were like French women: projecting a sense of beauty no matter what they really looked like. To me, they seemed so strong and self-assured. And the guys were gay, grungy, or dark and broody, all without apologies.

I became friends with one of those dark and broody boys, and he was my entrée into that world. I was secretly thrilled, but tried to act nonchalant. He invited me to a Bible study that some of the AlternaHerds were holding. (Yes, even some of these cool, gay, broody kids believed in God.) The Bible study was like no other I attended. (And I attended two others.) We read passages of Scripture as literature, exploring the poetry of the language, the nuances of word choice, the subtleties of what was and wasn't explicitly said. Sometimes our conversations sounded more like literary criticism class than Bible study. The tone was less moralistic and more spiritual. After Bible study we'd smoke clove cigarettes out on the patio. I felt like I was on the cusp of something that never materialized. Beyond broody boy, I made a few vague friendships in that foreign land, but nothing substantial.

A few years after graduation, I saw my broody friend at a concert. I don't remember why, but we talked about how I went to that Bible study for awhile but never really broke into the group. "Oh, yeah," he said. "You were a fringe person!"

I don't think he said this to hurt me, but I felt exposed and humiliated. He'd named my secret shame: I had been a fringe person. And he was absolutely right, at least regarding that social circle. I'd known it back in college and hated it. I was horrified to realize that someone else knew it, too.

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I've always wanted to be different. I want people to think I'm unique, interesting, special. And yet I long to be accepted, to be part of a group. I may want to be on the fringe of what I consider the bland norm, but not on the fringe of the fringe.

I know I'm not the only one to wrestle with these opposing forces. At its heart, I think this paradox is driven by insecurity. As I've gotten older, my need to be viewed as different isn't so strong. I'm more rooted in -- and accepting of -- who I am and what I like. I'm learning to let it be enough to be myself, rather than striving to fit an image or ideal of "cool." Besides, I've met enough people to know that "cool" is in the eye of the beholder. I'm learning to use my own eyes as my mirror.

And still, I long to belong. I ache for community; a group of people who inspire, encourage, and support each other. Nine years out of college, my social landscape is still somewhat varied. It's also more geographically spread out. I have friends a few towns over and across the Atlantic. But as my college friends and I have changed from young 20-somethings to young 30-somethings, we haven't always grown in the same direction. The relationships seem to ebb and flow like an unpredictable tide. At times, despite these ties, I feel lost at sea.

I look around and wonder: Where is my tribe? Where are my people?

I haven't found them in my day-to-day life. Are they in my neighborhood? I live in a suburban sea where each house seems to be its own self-sufficient island, populated with people who belong to a different demographic than I do. I work from home, so my tribe is not at my office. (Is it a bad sign if I start counting the kits as part of my social circle?) I don't have kids, so they're not at my kids' school. Where do I go to find my people?

I've found people who could be "my people" online. Like my "real world" friends, they live around the U.S. and around the world. I've met some of them in person and exchanged emails with others. But some of them don't know who I am, or even that I exist. But I visit their blogs regularly, because they share things that speak to me; that make me feel less alone; that show me we're part of the same tribe, even if we don't call each other by name.

I've been trying to write about community and the "real world" since I came back from BlogHer last summer. I'm full of more questions than answers. How does online community differ from physical community? Is one more real or valuable than the other? In a world where people can live hundreds or thousands of miles apart and still stay connected through phone calls, text messages, emails, blogs, Flickr photo streams, Twitter updates, and even good old fashioned snail mail, does it really matter if we can't get together for an impromptu lunch or pop by to say hi?

I think it does. But I don't think it's the only thing that matters. What do you think?

Small is Beautiful

See that new button on the side of the page? Isn't it lovely? In a land where bigger is constantly touted as better, and size matters most in everything from McMansions to McMeals, it's nice to remember that small can be beautiful. And I'm not talking about in a good-things-come-in-small-packages-diamonds-are-forever kind of way. (Although good things often do come in small packages. But diamonds, while hearty, are not indestructible. But I digress...)

Inspired by their session at BlogHer '07, Rachelle Mee-Chapman (a.k.a. Magpie Girl) and Jen Lemen are reminding us that blogs (and other endeavors) don't have to be big to be beautiful. Behold the Small is Beautiful Manifesto:

• We believe stories are valuable, no matter how many people read them.
• We believe following your passion is more important that watching your site meter.
• We believe in the handmade, the first try, the small start, and the good effort.
• We believe that small is beautiful.

Find out who else is part of this little neighborhood, consider moving in yourself, and check out the Rachelle's Small is Beautiful Saturdays.

How Did You Find Me?

Awhile back I admitted to being a wee bit obsessed with my Google Analytics numbers, especially the map that shows where my readers live. I've calmed down a bit in the checking-my-stats-multiple-times-a-day-department, but I still love to look at the map overlay and see that I have some regular readers in Canada, England, and all around the States. And I still get excited when a new city or country shows up on the map. It's like stamp collecting, only interesting.

Geography aside, today I want to talk about search terms and keywords. According to my statistics, this blog has received 115 visits from 100 keywords since I installed Google Analytics back in March. And oh the keywords that have been used! Some make a lot of sense. Things like "The Word Cellar" or "McGuiggan" have brought a few people here. But others, like "bombastic example sentence" and "Michael Jackson cream" are a bit unexpected.

Appreciated. But unexpected.

Here is a collection of some of the more noteworthy words and phrases that have landed people on this blog.

First bra stories are disturbingly popular:

• 1st bra
• "first bra"
• first bra stories
• "fifth grade" "first bra"
• "first bra" "video"
• "first bra" "stories”
• first training bra

The kits and their litter box shenanigans garnered some modest attention:

• litterless litter box
• cat box litterless
• home made pee soup (I have a hunch that this was a typo on the part of the searcher.)

The topic of sororities is the most popular item by far:

• sorority humiliation stories
• "joining a sorority"
• christians and sororities
• christians in sororities
• fake sorority
• first impressions count sorority
• glad i didn't pledge a sorority
• pounding the pledges
• sorority pledge humiliation
• sorority pledge week stories
• sorority poem excuses
• sorority secret language used during underground pledging

Not too surprisingly , terms like word, cellar, and stories are popular. But look what configurations they get into:

• 55 word stories
• alternatives for the word said
• another word for cellar bar
• creepy cellar stories and poems
• empty cellar syndrome
• how do you write the word hello in chinese
• illustrated short pillow stories
• in the cellar eating sour fruit poem
• morning word to tell a lady
• sad dinosaur story
• sayings with the word summer in it
• spirit cellar phones
• bees and the cellar phone
• "what is so interesting about the word" "serendipity"
• what kind of stories do knitters tell?
• words and stories suitable for jewish weddings

Here are some of the more random, amusing, and confusing search terms:

• "chicks dig pink" shirt
• "michael jackson cream"
• "od' und leer das meer" translation
• "yellow junipers"
• at.the.drive.in band photography
• bombastic example sentence
• public humiliation husband
• english accent smarter
• regret rolling off his tongue
• "retail" "how can i help you"
• immigrant quotes at seeing statue of liberty
• "sniffles" "buffy the vampire slayer" "cold sick"
• fall arrives so suddenly, no time to mourn the summer
• i choose my friends only far too well, i'm up on the pavement they're all down in the cellar

BlogHer Deliverables

Long after most of the Internet has quieted down about BlogHer, I'm still trying to put together the perfect post to explain why I was so excited about this conference and why I had such a wonderful experience in Chicago.

There's a lesson here, of course. And it's almost so trite that I hesitate to point it out. It is, of course, this: Perfectionism leads to procrastination. This is the third time I've tried to write this post, and I'm determined to get through it now. So...

Why should a conference of 800 women bloggers have me in such a tizzy? When I tried to explain the conference to people in my "off-line" world, I could tell some of them didn't really get it. I realized I was doing a poor job of describing BlogHer when someone asked me, "So, it's like a conference about computer stuff?"

Yes and no. But for me, mostly no. That's what I love about blogging. The technology surrounding and supporting it is cool. And I have loads to learn. But what the technology enables is way cooler. I was excited to meet other women who are sharing their opinions, telling their stories, and creating communities online. I was excited to meet other women who "get" blogging.

You know how you build something up in your mind and the real thing can barely compare? Well, BlogHer wasn't like that. It may be the best conference I've ever been to. I met so many interesting women over those three days. I'm still working through the stack of cards that I collected, visiting new blogs and sending little email "hellos." I was also touched by how many other women were interested in me. They wanted to hear my story as much as I wanted to hear theirs. There was a strong sense of community and good juju that I never experienced at the business networking events of my previous life.

The days weren't just about meeting and greeting, though. There was a jam-packed schedule of sessions to choose from. I mostly stuck with The Art of Life track, but ventured into a few Business and Technical sessions. I'm still going through all of my notes. That's another thing that really impressed me about this conference: its usefulness. Maybe it's just because I'm more interested and motivated on this topic than others, but I don't usually find much value in seminars and conference sessions. All too often it's a bunch of talk without any useful take-aways. But I have tons of resources to check out and ideas to pursue after BlogHer.

Before I left for Chicago, I made a list of BlogHer Deliverables, a mini wish list in which I described how I wanted to weekend to go.

• Meet new kindred spirits and begin to establish meaningful friendships.
• Meet blog crushes.
• Find someone who will redesign and combine my website and blog into one fabulously designed site.
• Increase my blog audience.
• Make good professional connections for future writing work.
• Begin to learn about monetizing my blog.
• Make good connection for my book.
• Be inspired and encouraged.
• Have fun!!
• Be comfortable and confident in my own skin (and my own clothes!).
• Feel beautiful and intelligent.

Saturday night, after two very long, action-packed days, I sat in my hotel room feeling very tired and a little sorry for myself. Nothing was actually wrong, but my internal critic started whispering in my ear, saying darkly seductive things like, "Sure you met a lot of people, but who will remember you? Will this weekend be worth anything once you're home? Maybe you made a fool of yourself, blathering on like you did, eh? And let's face it, your blog sure needs a lot of work..."

I was journaling about all of this, boo-hooing for myself when I remembered my list. As I read through it, I was shocked to realize that every single item had happened or was in the works. The only iffy one was learning about monetizing my blog. But I learned something even more important: I'm not sure if I want to monetize this space. Some people are definitely pro-ad or anti-ad. I can see the value in each scenario. I realized that I need to better define what I want this online space to be and to do. And that goes far beyond the "ad vs. ad-free" debate.

My weekend among other bloggers has me asking questions: Why do I blog? For whom do I blog? Can I be a generalist? Do I need to find a more specific niche? Does my voice come through in this writing?

To that end, why do you come here? Tell me your thoughts and preferences in the comments or by email to jennifer[at]thewordcellar[dot]com. Join the conversation, won't you?